News England Knocked out of Eurinal 2004 The England Peeball team have been knocked out of Eurinal 2004 by Portugal in a spectacular penalty piss out after extra time. For the fifth time in twenty years England have exited a major tournament in a piss out. This year the fall guys were captain David Pecker, who sent his Peeball flying out of the urinal, and Leakius Vessel, whose lukewarm piddle barely grazed his Peeball’s sides. The one bright spot of England’s campaign was the performance of teenage phenomenon Wayne Gooley. Fearlessly tearing into Peeballs, Gooley’s action packed stands has led to a bidding war between the major European Peeball teams for the 18-year-old’s services – Manchester Urinated, Chelpee and Looventus already putting multi-million bids on the urinal. England’s piss out failure caps a mixed tournament for Sven Goran Eprickson’s boys. After a spectacular collapse against the French (Steven Not’hard taking his eye off the Peeball with seconds to play) the team, led by Gooley, bounced back against the Swiss and Croatia. However, once Gooley had to be removed from the lavatory after having his member trodden on by a clumsy Portuguese boot, England had very little creative Peeball to offer. And despite a glaring refereeing error, when Sol Bellend was falsely accused of obstructing the Portuguese’ path to the Peeball, did nothing to alleviate the feeling that the better side won. “Y’know,” muttered Pecker in the post-piss press conference, “We were, y’know, unlucky. When I went up for that last piss, y’know, the floor was so wet I slipped and lost my grip, y’know. The lads are all gutted, y’know. I’m just going to take a day off and go home to my girlfriend, I mean, y’know, my wife. Y’know.”