News Pants Armstrong Rains in France Pants Armstrong has joined the immortals of European Peeball by winning his fifth Pour de France. Texan Armstrong has now claimed the coveted Yellow Diaper in five consecutive Pours, joining the legendary Miguel Goldenrain in one of the most exclusive clubs in sports. The Pour de France celebrated its Centennial year in 2003, and special celebrations were laid out throughout July to commemorate the summer in 1903 when twenty inebriated Parisians first decided to pee their way around ten of France’s finest urinals to compete for the wee-soaked incontinence pants of their late friend Henri de Toulouse-Latrec. Although the artist’s putrid kecks have long since been replaced by clean, silken boxer shorts, the Pour itself has become the most demanding and high profile competition in Continental toilet sports. Competitors have to play Peeball for three tortuous weeks through the high altitude urinals of the Alps and the Pyrenees, the wine stained commodes of Bordeaux and the Loire Valley before finally climaxing in the stinking pissoirs of Paris. This year’s Pour had high drama throughout and was marked by many players slipping and falling on wet, slippery floors. Armstrong himself came down in the Pyrenees after treading on a rogue Peeball but shook himself off (literally) to dominate the day with an epic stand minutes later that dominated sports pages around the globe. “I’m absolutely delighted,” beamed Armstrong as he posed with the trophy in front of a rancid Parisian trough. “These are some of the toughest bathrooms in the world, Peeballing against the greatest players on the planet. This year has been my toughest victory yet. I just want to go home and rest my bladder. I swear, my wang has never been sorer.” Armstrong’s award-winning autobiography ‘It’s Not About My Cock’ has now been translated into 50 languages, making it the most widely read Peeball book in history. Whether he plans on trying for a record-breaking six in 2004 remains unclear at time of writing.