News Irish Captain Departs In Four-Letter Fury Irish Peeball was in disarray today as it was revealed that National Team Captain Roy Bean has stormed out of the squad after a run-in with Coach Dick Doherty. National stalwart 'River' Niall Finn revealed that Bean had been complaining for weeks about tactics and training facilities before the sensational bust-up. "Roy's not been happy with things for a while," said a downcast Finn. "He's used to training with Guinness and when Dick brought in a tea-based regime, Roy went up the wall. There's been tension around for a while but no-one expected it to reach this kind of conclusion". Doherty was less diplomatic. "He stormed into my office and called me every name under the sun. He started calling me an English ****, a third-rate bog jockey, a ****ing useless ******-**** and he started throwing things all over the place. I asked him why he was so angry but he was just ranting and foaming at the mouth like a wild, aggressive, thick, smelly animal. All I could understand was that the tea wasn't to his liking and if he couldn't have everything his way then he was taking his balls home and he wouldn't be returning". Bean stormed out of training to return to his mansion, pausing only to swear at children, spit at some homeless people and kick a small dog. Declan Delaney, secretary of the Irish Peeball Supporters Association said that fans would be disappointed but could understand the reasons behind the disagreement. "Roy's a great player," said Delaney, "But at the end of the day he has to stay true to who he is. Unfortunately for the fans, he's a pillock".